| I am now all alone in a dark room where i see no outlets of escaping this emotional tragedy. Because i feel like there is noone to talk to and noone to hold my hand, my sadness over pours the room. My heart is filled with anger and regrets. I ask myself time and time again why did i make this choice that will change the rest of my life? Why couldn't i just have accepted what i have instead of looking for better? There is no better, and now i have realized that. As i can look back on just a few days ago,I see that my life has done a complete one-eighty. My heart is filled with love,love that is for someone special,someone that i take pride in knowing and I admire. It's very rare for someone to find somebody as special to them as i have. This person has brought me joy,comfort,and happiness these past ten months that I will remember for the rest of my life. This person whom I visualize as so perfect is my boyfriend Mike Latimer. It's hard to put a stereotype on someone as perfect, but to me that is exactly what he is. He has the ability to love and care for me as much as he can and has made me a better and stronger person. He has given me the strength to want to pursue my dream and be successful. I have a dream of being the best, and soaring above others. This dream has stayed with me through the course of my years, but never have i once, until now,felt that those dreams could actually come true. Although a relationship consits of physical and emotional attraction to a person there was more that was involved in mine. Mike always seemed interested in the wellbeing of my education. It never occured to me why that meant so much to him until we actually got into a deep conversation about it. His plan generally was to motivate me to do well on my SAT's so that not only would i be successful, but also we would be together. He made a vision in his head of us being together and that vision inspired me. I feel that i have found my love and to keep that i would need to get a good education so that i could go somewhere in life. Throughout the relationship, I see him handing me an SAT book to study, and, though i found it annoying and pestering at times,he only did it because he loves me. ONe day i felt trapped and had no understanding of what i was about to do and then my dreams shattered. All i saw was a black tunnel that never ended and through that tunnel i saw confusion. I had made the decision to tell Mike that i had like someone else and I made that decision without careful thought. Talking to Mike, I felt as if my heart was beating at a pace which would be considered abnormal. My lungs began to feel heavy as if there were an elephant resting on my chest. I could not escape this feeling, and I was terrified to think that this would linger on for days. By Mike's reaction on the phone, I knew that he was very irate and that the unexpected was about to approach me the next morning. Sure enough, as I waited in the front of the school, I saw him approach me with the most frightening face I had ever seen. He told me that our relationshop was ove and that there was no turning back. To hear those words, I felt my heart sink down to my ankles. Even though i did not cry, I knew that when i least expected it what he said would hit me like a gunshot to the chest. With my correct assumptions a day later, I found myself helpless with noone to run to about the break up. I confided in a few friends, but for some reason I knew that I was loosing him. I refused to let him slip away and I made it clear that i wasn't going to. I now look at today, and I feel that i have lost a part of him, but there is still some rebuilding that can happen. It's not up to him anymore; it's up to me to be responsible and make things up to him. I have found myself not doing homework, or not eating because all i am concerned about is his wellbeing. I think about him almost every waking second of the day and I just want to make things right. If i could turn back time, an attraction or feelings for someone else would never have occured. I should have realized that Mike was my perfect soulmate and there was no other. I have been changed emotionally, but i also have goals to gain him back. I have my SAT's next week, and I am willing to put my heart into them and prove to him that i have taken him seriously. I need to prove my love for him not only just with the SAT"s but also in other ways. He has worked so hard at boosting confidence to make me know that i can succeed. I know that I can, but it's that reassurance that I am used to having to keep me striving harder. Right now I have to count on myself to make it through but i know that he will be back to come and catch my tears and pick me up off the ground. The light at the end of that tunnel is slowly approaching but I will see the light at the end of it real soon. I have set goals and standards for myself and Mike has truly made me understand the true meaning of love and of working hard to achieve my goals. |